The Write Place

The one who states his case first seems right,
    until the other comes and examines him.

Proverbs 18:17

Somedays, you find things that it takes five minutes of inquiry to respond to. Other days it’s something that takes less than that. Every day it seems, you find someone who is not willing to spend all that time.

First off, these are not all in the Talmud. Second, the Talmud contains arguments or debates. So being in the Talmud does not mean an idea is even endorsed. It may be an endorsed school of thought, or even something being rejected. It could be one of many valid opinions, or one of many invalid. They’re there for study and argument. Still, let’s go through these shall we.

“Jesus was a ####### conceived when an evil spirit slept with Mary.” (Kallah1b 18b

Yeah, this isn’t there. See for yourself.
You do find things like this however, and there’s a reason for that.

“After the consummation of her marriage on the first day, a bride is forbidden for the whole of the succeeding seven days, and it is not permitted to take any object from her hand all the seven days. This is the view of R. Eliezer, but R. Joshua said: Not until the matter is examined—if she was niddah while still in her father’s house, she is forbidden [to her husband], but if not she is allowed to him.
R. Eliezer was asked, ‘Is it permissible to drink from the hand of the bride so long as her husband is sitting with her at the festive table?’ He replied, ‘Whoever drinks from the hand of a bride is as though he drinks from the hand of a harlot’. [His colleagues] said to him, ‘Are not all the daughters of Israel possessed of good manners?’ He answered, ‘God forbid! Anyone who is not familiar with the Torah cannot be possessed of good manners’. R. Eleazar b. Azariah made a public declaration accompanied by the sounding of three hundred shofars, ‘Whether a bride be of the daughters of a scholar or of an ‘am ha-’areẓ, he who drinks from her hand is as though he drinks from the hand of a harlot’. He further said, ‘Whoever takes a cup from the hand of a bride and drinks from it has no share in the World to Come’.

Kallah 1:8-12

Notice how different opinions are given? Again the Talmud is a debate. It’s a go to for all the commenters and their arguments. It does not always give a definitive answer. Often, it gives different interpretations. It is at heart a commentary not a strict theological system per se. This doesn’t even appear to have the right reference. There is no Kallah1b 18b. There’s not even 18 verse in Kallah 1. And yes, it is followed immediately by Kallah 2.

“Mary, who was dung, was a prostitute and committed adultery.” (Sanhedrin 67a)

Can’t find this one either.

“Jesus was a fool who practiced Egyptian magic” (Sanhedrin 67a)

Yeah, nothing here. There is a reference to Rabbi Yehoshua, but it is clearly not Jesus. It is probably this Joshua ben Hananiah, and he condemns sorcery.

“Jesus committed bestiality” Sanhedrin 105a
Ooof.

§ The mishna teaches that four prominent commoners, Balaam, Doeg, Ahithophel, and Gehazi, have no share in the World-to-Come. The Gemara elaborates: The name Balaam is interpreted as a contraction of: Without a nation [belo am], or one who has no share in the World-to-Come with the Jewish nation. Alternatively, the name Balaam is interpreted as one who wore down the Jewish people [bila am]. He is the son of Beor, one who engaged in bestiality [be’ir].Sanhedrin 105a

This is about Balaam, not Jesus. Jesus isn’t mentioned here. Apparently, the loss of people’s interest in reading is a bigger problem than we feared.

“Jesus was a fool who practiced enchantment, limped on one foot and was blind in one eye.” Sanhedrin 105a-105b

Again, Jesus isn’t mentioned in Sanhedrin 105a. The closest I can find is still not Jesus. It’s Rabbi Yehoshua again.

“The Gemara relates: There was a certain heretic who was in Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi’s neighborhood who would upset him by incessantly challenging the legitimacy of biblical verses. One day, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi took a rooster and tied it by its legs and sat and waited. He said: When that moment of God’s wrath arrives, I will curse him. When that moment of God’s wrath arrived, Rabbi Yehoshua ben Levi dozed off. When he awakened, he said: Conclude from the fact that I dozed off that it is not proper conduct to curse even the wicked, as it is written: “Punishment, even for the righteous, is not good” (Proverbs 17:26). Even with regard to heretics, a righteous person should not state a curse in order to punish them.’
Sanhedrin 105a

Also an indictment against cursing, not enchantments per se. Also sounds like it may be influenced by Jesus command to love your enemies (Matthew 5:43-48). Not sure, but sure sounds like they’re getting it from the Christians, doesn’t it?

Jesus died like a dog and is in hell buried in feces. (Zohar III, pg 282)

The Zohar is not in the Talmud; it is not even so much rabbinic Judaism. It’s Kabbalah which is mysticism. It’s closer to Gnosticism/Hermeticism just in a Jewish context. Also citing it with a page number is weird. I’m not even sure this exists as it just looks like Hebrew sounding names and a modern way of designating place with a page number. I can’t find it even in the Zohar.

“Judas Iscariot fought in the air with Jesus and pissed on him” Toledot Jeshu

Not cited, but it does exist, just not in the Talmud. The ‘Lifestory of Jesus” is not considered canon. It is a satire. Foul and blasphemous, yes. But again, the author is writing a work of fiction. Few Jews (if any) would believe this happened. It is lumped in with other Mishna and Gemara by the author of the meme as if seen as history. It isn’t and never was. It’s a folk narrative or folk tale not a theologically binding work. Most estimate it’s composition as between the 6th and 9th centuries. It has been edited numerous times and exists in many editions.

Judas Iscariot buried Jesus’ body in a cellar with chamber pots and excrement (Toledot Yeshu 1705)

Still not in the Talmud.

“Jesus is in hell where his punishment is hot boiling semen.” Gittin 57a

Odd how apparently the Talmud teaches two contradictory things about hell and Jesus. Of course Toledot Yeshu is not the Talmud anyway. In context, Gittin 57a contrasts Jesus with somebody else you may know.

“Onkelos said to him: What is the punishment of that man, a euphemism for Jesus himself, in the next world? Jesus said to him: He is punished with boiling excrement. As the Master said: Anyone who mocks the words of the Sages will be sentenced to boiling excrement. And this was his sin, as he mocked the words of the Sages. The Gemara comments: Come and see the difference between the sinners of Israel and the prophets of the nations of the world. As Balaam, who was a prophet, wished Israel harm, whereas Jesus the Nazarene, who was a Jewish sinner, sought their well-being.”
Gittin 57a

Granted, it is not a flattering light. Jesus himself has never sinned (2 Corinthians 5:21). It is also not the same rank hatred this image presents. The Talmud here teaches that he was a well-intentioned Jewish rabbi who sinned by abandoning tradition. Terribly wrong as that is, you can see the difference.

It is worth noting not all Jews believe in an afterlife, and necromancy is forbidden. It is still an attempt by corrupt clergy to convince their congregants that this Jesus would side with them. It is also not the same hatred it is painted out to be.

“Jesus’ resurrection is cursed. Woe unto him who maketh himself alive by the name of God.” Sanhedrin 106a

Seems pretty harsh. And it would be if it existed. It doesn’t. Again it’s a passage about Balaam and mentions Rabbi Yehoshua, which isn’t spelled the same as Jesus.

In all of this there is, of course, is some degree of the affordance trap. You are presented with two options, neither of them correct. Either “love the Jews and ignore what these say, or you have to hate them like I do.” There’s actually more to it than that. Jews may be your enemy for the sake of the Gospel, and they are still humans called to repentance. That should much more color your thinking about anybody, Jews included.

Why should I listen to a thing those who push this say? They’re already more like their parody of the Jews than the Jews are. If you’re pushing this stuff please research it. Things on the internet are not more trustworthy because they meet your expectations. I have little room to conclude anything other than you want to hate Jewish people. If I’m wrong, then do the right thing and repent of spreading folly. If you hate the foreign policy, argue the foreign policy. Don’t lie like you’re Woke, tell the truth like a Christian.

In my experience this rash of anti-semitism isn’t just old roots, but a rejection of Dispensationalism in a less than sober mindset. This seems to come up again and again. Those in Christian circles pushing this moral and intellectual trash hate how absorbed in Israel and the Middle East Christians in the West are.

The fetishization of Jews is bad as any (and I may write on it someday), but in this case it’s Jonathan Nelson Darby’s fault. That honestly is a serious problem, but why not address the actual root? May I humbly suggest, you hate Darby? Show some disapproval also for the rabbis who ensnare so many souls? This is akin to punching a sibling because mom and dad played favorites. It’s not really their fault. They may be responsible if and when they use that favoritism, but they are not the root. The ideas are the root. You can’t accomplish the things of God through bearing false witness. Spreading these lies are a seventh commandment violation. If you’re upset at a lie, don’t go lying for yourself. Don’t be afraid of the truth, for the truth sets you free.

Jesus will inherit all the nations. That includes the Jews. Do something positive towards that end. Not the work of the father of lies.

If you have to lie to hate somebody, maybe you should re-examine your position and search your heart a bit. If somebody is your enemy, maybe you should follow Jesus’ words.

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷ And if you greet only your brothers,^[a] what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ⁴⁸ You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:43-48