The Write Place

Under The Fruiting Tree: Chapter 31 – The Write Place
Under the Fruiting Tree: Novella Table of Contents – The Write Place

“Was the plan to never tell me about it?” said Jason, his eyes red.  Heavy tears were forming in his eyes.  Tears that he could barely hold back.  He stood tensed with his muscular arms on his hips.  Sweat formed on his head.  He stood there in his khaki pants and Marine Corp shirt, measuring the woman facing him.  His hair had the jarhead buzzcut one would expect of a marine.  They stood under the barren tree, the midst of a gray, snowless winter. Being so close, they had never been so far apart.

“I always wanted to.  I didn’t know what would happen.  I did and I didn’t want to.  And nobody around me would let me even feel anything about it,” Amanda pleaded as she buried her face in her hands.  Catching her tears she struggled to speak to the man she loved.  “I was in college.  My parents pushed me, everyone pushed me.  They said think of college, think of your career.  Move on, he’s not around.  I felt awful before, and after.  I keep hearing the thought over and over again.  Was it really worth it?” she asked, standing with her body trembling under her black shirt and jeans.

“Was it really worth it?  For any of that?” Jason said shaking his head in rich anger as he spoke.

“No! Of course not,” Amanda’s voice burst out from her behind her hands.  Her whole body began to shake.  She dropped her hands, enraged in the midst of her pain.  The pain poured out with a misery she felt across her body, pouring outward from her soul.  With a pained look on her face, she met Jason’s gaze.  “It was my parents’ idea, my friend’s idea. I always feel awful.  And all the men I’ve been with since you.  None of them understand.  And all I did with them, haunts me still.”

Jason turned to face the tree.  He held his head in his hands.  “I wasn’t perfect either.  You weren’t my last.  They stay with you, like haunting spirits.  Ghosts.  I wasn’t here for you.  I can’t stand that thought.  Our child is gone.  I wish I could’ve stopped it,” Jason said, choking out a response.

“Which?” Amanda asked with an anxious voice.

After a short pause, Jason lifted his head slowly.  “All of it,” his voice dripped with defeat.

“I can’t help but feel I failed you,” Amanda said. “Everybody said they’d support me if I did what they wanted.  Nobody said they’d support me if I stayed a mother.  I. . .  I still am.  The mother of a dead child.” Amanda burst into tears.  She buried her head in her hands.  Tears continued to flow through her fingers.  Knowing her misery, Jason turned to face her.  He stood there for only a second, a second that felt like eternity.  Jason rushed over to Amanda. Her sobbing frame shook again.  Grabbing her close he pulled her into himself.
“I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I couldn’t stop it,” Jason said.  “I’m sorry I was so far away. I’m sorry we couldn’t be together.”

“Don’t! Don’t,” Amanda pleaded gently as she tapped his chest.  “Don’t blame yourself.  What could you have done?  What could you have known?  I didn’t tell you.  We were… done…” she said.  Her tears soaked his chest, her agony was their agony.

“No, we weren’t, and we aren’t done now,” Jason said.  Amanda slowly raised her head at the response. “You’re still Amanda.  That’s who I love.  This doesn’t kill us.  We have a future, if we make it.  It’s forgiven Amanda,” Jason said, taking her head into his hands.  Their eyes met and held for a fleeting moment of eternity.

“Life is full of lessons,” Amanda said, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Tests, and blessings,” Jason said, holding her closer. “We can struggle with this.  Together,” Jason said as his tears fell into her long black hair.  

His tears joined hers running down the thick strands of her hair.  The sky opened up with rain as the world cried with them.  As the rain continued, a small section of the clouds opened, a sliver of light piercing the darkness.