The Write Place

Much has been made in our failing culture of how unnecessary and optional marriage is. It barely needs to be said, but this has led to significant detachment and sorrow in the general populace. The systems in place were made assuming the 1950 baby boom would continue. Women were pulled out of the home because money is what mattered, and taking men out of the home was called normal. Now that we have reached the dead end the coping is on rather significantly.

In the church we console our singles with “the gift of singleness.”

I will try to be kind to this psychological coping mechanism that leaves the sufferer miserable. The argument usually refers to 1 Corinthians 7.

1 Corinthians 7

7 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” ² But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. ³ The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴ For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. ⁵ Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

⁶ Now as a concession, not a command, I say this.^[a] 7 I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.

⁸ To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. ⁹ But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
1 Corinthians 7:1-8

Look at that, singleness as a gift. Until you realize Paul is quoting Corinthians “wisdom” to the Corinthians. The philosophers of any age told dominance over ones desires. Denying the body and exercising mastery against it (not just over it). This led to a low view of sex and carried with it a low view of the physical world.

Paul also notices first not just about others but himself. Notice in v7 how he describes his chastity. He has a gift, those who do desire a spouse are just gifted differently. Paul is plainly thinking of Jesus’ words for himself.

¹² For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Matthew 19:12

Those who can accept it are gifted. Those who cannot are not somehow lesser or have their suffering as a gift. You know you have the gift of chastity if you can accept it. Remember what God tells us in the book of Proverbs, marriage is a gift.

22He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.
Proverbs 12:22

This may appear to be a contradiction where Paul says. Looking into Paul’s context however we see the prudence. Paul is living in an era of persecution where taking a wife would have been a tremendous responsibility. Paul is assuming the nearness of the judgment on Israel, when the faithful flee to the mountains. You can see the liability involved in a marriage would complicate such a moment.

³⁰ Then will appear in heaven the sign of the Son of Man, and then all the tribes of the earth will mourn, and they will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of heaven with power and great glory. ³¹ And he will send out his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of heaven to the other.

³² “From the fig tree learn its lesson: as soon as its branch becomes tender and puts out its leaves, you know that summer is near. ³³ So also, when you see all these things, you know that he is near, at the very gates. ³⁴ Truly, I say to you, this generation will not pass away until all these things take place.

Matthew 34:30-34

He also expresses a high view of sex and marriage. When he speaks of burning with a passion he is not merely speaking of lust. He is speaking of a sincere desire to be with someone. If you love someone then of course marry them. If you are not and the times are heavy with persecution that you may need to flee, it may be best to wait because you will have a spouse to care for.

The damage that has been done (I have felt it personally) by calling singleness a gift simply needs to stop alongside the gnostic misreading people take from this passage.

What then is a single person to do? Gifts do come through affliction, but the affliction is to be fought. It is still an intrusion into God’s world. Find a contentment and a peace, but do not be afraid to burn for a natural good God has made you for. God did not create man and woman and declare things inferior to one man alone. He declared it all good.

¹⁸ Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for^[e] him.” ¹⁹ Now out of the ground the Lord God had formed^[f] every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature, that was its name. ²⁰ The man gave names to all livestock and to the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field. But for Adam^[g] there was not found a helper fit for him. ²¹ So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. ²² And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made^[h] into a woman and brought her to the man. ²³ Then the man said,

“This at last is bone of my bones
    and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called Woman,
    because she was taken out of Man.”^[i]

²⁴ Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ²⁵ And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Genesis 1:18-25

Wanting this and being denied it is not a gift. The gift comes in the midst of affliction, an affliction that by God’s grace he will remove someday.

Elizabeth Elliott deserves the blame for calling singleness a gift and not a problem.

Is Singleness a Gift or a Problem? · Elisabeth Elliot


In Psychological terms calling singleness a gift is coping. In biblical terms it is calling evil a good in itself. Can you imagine what would have happened had somebody told Job this about his suffering? It is one thing to claim God works all things together for the good of those who love him. It is another to call all things good. Not everything has to be good for you to have peace.

Some are gifted with Chastity. All afflictions serve a good, but are not good in themselves. The church needs to abandon this contra-biblical pietistic belief and start calling a spade a spade.

²⁸ And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,^[a] for those who are called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28